Impact play: everything to know about the BDSM practice

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Impact play is an umbrella term for all things sexual involving hitting or being hit with an object in a safe and consensual way.

Impact play “can [involve] hitting, punching, or slapping, but you can also get creative like [being] pummeled with fists, alternating different strokes or slaps,” explains Lucy Rowett(Opens in a new tab), a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. You can also use equipment other than your hands, such as paddles, whips, floggers, or something you find around the house.

Is your interest piqued? Would you say that chains and whips excite you? (Sorry.)

What is impact play?

If it’s not clear by now, impact play is using objects (or hands, etc.) to hit or be hit. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. It might sound pretty straightforward, but impact play is nothing short of an art (when done correctly and safely).

This modality within the BDSM community offers a Dominant and submissive partner the chance to explore tactile sensation, pain play, and physical endurance. Plus, it just feels really, really good.

The importance of safety and consent.

There is absolutely nothing more important in impact play (and all play) than safety and consent. Each scene that involves impact play needs to be highly negotiated between partners. We’re talking about literally hitting people with objects.

Sure, it’s fun, but it is NO joke. Dr. Celina Criss(Opens in a new tab), a certified sex coach specializing in BDSM and GSRD, explainsL “BDSM players of any type need to understand the risks inherent to the play they want to engage in: physical, mental, and emotional.” “Experienced players have typically studied their activity of choice, the anatomy involved, first aid care for when things go wrong, and are practiced in communicating throughout the play.”

Communication is so, so key. “Don’t ever attempt to start hitting or striking your partner during play or during sex without communicating beforehand, it can put them into a threat response,” Rowett says. This can be highly traumatic. Sorry to have to say this to y’all, but hitting someone without their consent is straight up domestic violence.

Don’t rush into this kind of play.

The safety and consent checklist:

Do your homework. You need to know which parts of the body are safe to hit and which aren’t.
Practice makes perfect. Both partners need to be fully aware of the risks involved in their chosen activities as well as the skill needed to perform them well.
Thoroughly discuss the scene: What are your boundaries? Do you have a safe word? What tools will you be using?
Have an aftercare plan in place to ensure both partners have time and space to emotionally “come down.”
Check in regularly throughout the scene to be sure everyone is enjoying themselves.

Things to avoid during impact play.

“There are no prizes for being the kinkiest or toughest player in the dungeon, especially if you’re just starting out,” Criss says. Don’t rush into this kind of play. You need to have patience, go slowly, and be willing to experiment. If you rush in, you might end up getting injured or injuring someone. This will lead you to miss out on a whole lot of fun.

You want to stay away from the lower back literally always. Hitting this area can cause kidney damage. The stomach is also a very sensitive area and should be avoided unless the impact is very light. You also want to stay away from any joints, the neck, or any injuries or body parts that experience chronic pain.

When in doubt: The squishy bits are best. Think: Booty, legs, breasts, and arms.

After figuring out the where, figure out the how. The kind of pressure and intensity you want to feel is key to enjoying the experience. Do you enjoy stingy, lighter sensations? Do you prefer a deeper, thuddier sensation? This might take some time, practice, and patience to figure out. Experimenting is totally OK as long as everyone is following the safety plan.

You’ll also want to chat through marks on your body. Are you OK with bruises? Definitely not down for that? Be open, thorough, and communicate.

How to get started.

First of all, if you’re a novice, the best place to start is with spanking, either using a hand, riding crop, or a ruler. You could also use a plastic spatula or a wooden spoon. We have so many great items available at home and we love that for us. “Go slow when you’re starting out,” Criss tells us. “Agree to try one or two things for a short period of time and debrief with your partner after: what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d like more of.” You want to co-create a foundation and then go from there.

Start with the butt. It’s meatier and you have less of a risk of bruising. Always check in with your partner and be sure they are comfortable and enjoying the experience. “Using a flat hand, get started with light spanking on the outer middle quadrant of the glute,” Chiaramonte explains. “Play with the intensity of how hard you (and your partner) can handle giving and receiving.”

If you decide you enjoy playing with impact, you can always invest in specialty gear. “A beginners BDSM kit may come with mini versions of things like paddles, floggers, and crops/canes,” Chiaramonte adds.

And don’t forget: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Don’t forget: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Why impact play is so appealing.

It makes sense why people would love this, from a neurobiological perspective. The same areas of the brain light up(Opens in a new tab) when you feel pain as when you feel pleasure. Our nervous systems are incredibly intricate. When we feel pain, our central nervous system releases endorphins. These hormones are designed to stop pain. When we experience this rush of endorphins, it can lead to pleasure, causing a dizzying euphoria.

Some people are just really, really into pain. People who enjoy pain for sexual pleasure are called masochists – and they make up the “M” in BDSM. “Aside from the sensation, [impact play] is a magnificent tool to reinforce kinks/BDSM dynamics like dom/sub as tools for ‘punishment’ or ‘reward,” says Julieta Chiaramonte(Opens in a new tab), a kink instructor, writer, and sex expert.